Being a “senior”

Here, at my office, this is Tauseef. Tauseef who has four people and three different works(update and check the documents, do some RnD, and check the work of these four people) to take care of. Two of them are elder to me, I guess that should not count at work. And now that someone who was leading me doesnt work here any more, so that puts me in a different role altogether.

It becomes complex to work, get work done, understand multiple problems, be strict, get the deliverables done on time. Show them that you can lead, and lead pretty well.

Sometimes, I need to be harsh to get the work done, I need to decide what is to be done and what way is just the best. Who does what the best. It’s been close to a month I am doing this.

And also I  report to another guy.

I sometimes need to forget that I am a kid inside and grow up to demand the work done, monitor them, make sure, there are no flaws in the work, mine and theirs.

I say all this because I once wanted to be so busy, do everything I could. I am happy doing these things. I thank Him.

Realisations

Well it is all about realisations you see.
Tauseef, as I was wished that I needed a group of good friends, as time passed by I realised that there are very few who care for relationships and the rest are just people who you dont need so much to care about. You cant associate your happiness to their presence or absense. I came off it and then was a stage when I thought I needed someone to love me, someone I’d really connect to and share all my feelings. I thought that would make me happy.
Well I dont say we dont need friends or people who love us. It is just I dont want to say that my happiness depends on them being with me, or thier positive presence in my life.
I am as happy as I should be, all you need is just the will to be happy.
I still remember those lonely times I used to sulk, wondering why no one would give me a call or no one would say “I was missing you.”. That should never mean I am not a good guy. I am a good guy, as good as you’d expect a good friend to be. I say it because I know it. I know it because people say it and people say it because I am.
Well its all that I want to be happy and it is as simple as that. I want to be and when I want something I a right behind it, not gonna leave until I get it.
My happiness is in doing what I want to do. Well making others happy is just a part of the day, you try to make them happy, if they arent, I guess you dont need to go behind them, its their happiness after all.
I have realised that no matter what, it is you who is responsible for all that you have and all that you will have. My happiness cant depend on decisions of others. Not at all.  No way.
As they say “You get exactly what is written for you, nothing more or nothing less”. and “If you dont have something, might be you just dont need it right now.”

I have realised that it was what I wanted, all I wanted is to live on my terms and I mean “my” terms. And I am Alhamdulillah doing it and InshaAllah will keep doing it.

Pride and Honor
Tauseef.

A little thanks

I am happy, sorry happier. and this post is an appreciation for all the people that make me be.

Getting straight to the point,

Almighty: If you are reading this Lord, “I always asked what do things mean when they happen this way”. You gave the best possible answer live and lovely.

Ammi. For just saying, “hota hai, aisa buran naii maanna,Allah po bharosa par, dua kar”, “Happens, dont feel bad/sick. Have faith in the Almighty, Ask for what you want”.

Baba: You said, “Come down home, if you are so lonely., I cant give you any other solution., Hang up the phone and just sleep. Dont think about it. Talk to us.” When I was feeling so badly left alone.

Chan…, Prag…, I’d like to thank you, thank you for staying by my side when I had all those stupid things to say, “Can I speak to you for a while?”, “Why?” and a few things like that. Never realised that we could become friends, especially after the kind of first impression you had about me.

Suresh– man, the songs you gave are amazing., and you encouragement and what ever stuff I write.

Aniisah For that one comment on that blog of mine when I was so lost, “hurting for nothing.” Make me think so much.

Swar…:  “Why dont you talk to us”. “You call us friends and forget when you are upset.”, “why dont you call people when you feel like talking, What stops you?”.

Jaffar, Noman: No words, love you guys.

Prem: Reading all that I type in the chat window., suggesting, laughing, making fun, ha ha….

Paw…: Considering me still a best friend after 7 long years of not seeing each other.

Asad:  For all you comments and prayers.,

Sandy… “Dont do that misake again.”, “You cant slip into the same situation again, hold it”. “My God, Look at you. Whats the glow about”. Who speaks like that?

Badi, Choti: My sisters, elder to me. For asking and telling things to me.,

Aabid., Badi’s three and a half year old son, his smile gives a glimpse of heaven., MashaAllah.

Seema..”See, I cant help you, you need someone, find one for yourself.” I considered you to be my friend and didnt expect that, But yes that statement made me realise I already had a few.,

Shans., For making me realize, there are certain things beyond love, beyond being a best friend and no matter how long ever you know a person, time doesnt matter. And how much so ever if you trust a person, someone could again create a doubt in there. And make me realise, its important to be heard, solving a problem is a far away thing. When you have something respect it.

Nitin: Shans’ boyfriend., For that text you sent, that helped me laugh so much.

And one thing, Had I not been sad, I would have never realised the degree of happiness.

The Thought…..

You know its probably sometimes this thought that doesn’t come to my brains, this morning as I was having the regular shower, this thing struck me. I got to move on, stop hanging to things that don’t mean no more. Good past is something like that favorite childhood shirt of yours that you cant use no more. It simply doesn’t fit on me any more.
All that I can do is, have it in my wardrobe, look at it everyday and feel bad/sad that I cant use it. Or just keep it away start trying something new, chances are that I’d start feeling better and great all over again.

It is just that something is stuck to my mind like a bubble gum that is stuck now stuck on you hair… trying to save my hair will spoil my scalp or just bruise it, cause to bleed, why don’t I just cut a few hair, they’d grow even if I am dead. Isn’t it? And also it’d take time to scrap that shit out of my hair.

I just cant afford to hold on to old things, people I’ve known a couple of years ago have moved ahead, they are focused on the road ahead, but I was foolishly helping everyone cross that hurdle, they’ve moved on, they have left me after that hurdle, I’ve now got to find a way of my own and start moving, or be it best, over take them and show them “The bird”.

All those things apart, all I now need is just a little magic in my hand. “Think it and get it” something like that. I know I am far better than those other people who can just see the road, I can solve a hurdle as well whilst they skip it.

Its like doing what I was always waiting to do, just the way I wanted.

I have made posts of this type earlier as well, but every time I post something like this, I am becoming what I want myself to be.

Changing. I have changed, beyond recognition.

Changes huh!!

Well well well… these last three years havent been easy on me,

There have been a lot of “Do you love her?”s, “No”s, “No ways”s, “Why do you do this to me and only me?”, “You know how much I care for you, but your boyfriend doesnt like me!”, “You are my best friend, please ask me whats goin on in my life”,”I am her best friend and I am the last one to know she loves someone”, “You haven’t been talking to me lately, I left so many message, I feel so rejected”, “You know, you are the only one I have”, “You’ve been making a fool of me”, “I didnt speak to her coz I wanted her to concentrate on someone she loved”, “Oh!! I’ve been taking a break….Oh!! c’mon give us a break”, “find yourself a good friend, who loves you”, “What the hell are you for?”, “Taus, I cant take it<crying>”,

“You like her more, dont you?”, “dont ask me the reason”, “Taus, understand! she has a personal life. respect the fact”, “Am I just nothing?”, “What did I do?”, “He reads my mail”, “You think am a fool!!!”, “I hate you Taus!!!”

And a few things…

“Congrats, you’re hired”, “The CTO seems to like you, he finds you good enough”, “Great, You stay all night???!!!!”, “son, please keep calling home”, “You have been calling home man….”, “Found a girl??”, “Whose Farida…?”

Ah!! what ever…as they say..”Chahe jitni shamaaen roshan karlo roop badal jaye gi…”.That was “Mehfuz from Aamir” as of I know. One of my favourite tracks.