“With the photograher”-My version

Hmmm…. yes, this should be how so ever it is supposed to be, for I have now slipped down into the wee hours of the night, and my mind fuel is on reserve, which implies I cant put enough brains into it, not that I cant, but it is just that it doesn’t need to be spent here, not with reference to the current  situation.

Okay…..so I was like in need of passport size photographs, so I rushed into one of the photo studios and told him, that I needed what I was in need of.

I was then taken to this room where I was asked to stand, so did I. He pointed his camera at me, focused and then clicked. He got the image, now that the camera was “digital” he took a look at the snap. “One more”, he said.

The same thing repeated. After seeing the picture this time, guess what he said?

“Why is your neck so bent?”, he comes to me, pushes my neck in the direction so as to correct the error(as he saw it.) then took a shot again.

I couldn’t help but laugh at it, which indeed resulted in a good picture, though a passport sized one.

a little of my mind

And then they are gone,
like the blue shadows of the clouded day
and like the winds in the storm

and i lay stretched like the leaves of a moving grass blade
and i danced to the tunes of the charmer in my mind
and i but walked into the fires like a hypnotised

Where am I? feels like a lost shadow in the dark
or just too much light to see my own shadow.
Or am I just a camouflaged thought

They say the waters are flowing,
there aint no bridge to stand them over
there aint no bank to walk along

Optimism feels to count no where
And pessimism doesn’t exist
There aint no glories for the killed,

Its just a radical they seem to be
The ideas that live with the lost
And then they are gone.

Oh! and i crave,
when can i be at peace.
can i?

A few little things…

I am in a state of mind, where in I would accept anything, well I can say almost.
Mother’s health, my work, dad’s office, siblings and their families. Well it seems for a while like I have been through a high of emotions, what ever. Fear, anger, love, loneliness, thoughtfulness, disturbed, alone, gratitude, desperation and what not.

And sometimes you feel it would be so nice if all that you have could just be bartered for this one thing that you need right now, and all that you can do is just pray.
Surprising it is, we all are born as humans, the faith that we have sometimes just doesn’t seem strong enough.
Sometimes when you bend down and ask for forgiveness.
Sometimes when you cant accept things, at work or at home or in your mind.
And sometimes when you feel mind effed.
Sometimes when the emotion becomes so high that you know you cant speak that to someone and all u can do is just crave.

When the fears have gone so deep that you dont know what could be the last moment you spend with someone you love the most. And sometimes you start to think

Any time ever?

Kabhi aisa hua hai ki sab kuch hote hue tumne Khuda se ye kaha ki “Aye Maalik, jo hai sab kuch le le, badle me mein bus wo ek cheez de de”.

Kabhi aisa laga hai ki, “Kaash, aye Khuda, thoda aur waqt deta” aur “Bus isi cheez se aazmaana baaki tha?”

Kabhi aisa laga hai, ki bus ooper aasmaan ki aor dekha aur kehdiye “Teri marzi ke aage mein kya hoon!”

Aur kya kabhi aisa laga hai ki rotey raho raat bhar bus ek hi dua mein ki “Maana mein ne galtiyaan ki hai, par tu hi to dene wala hai, maaf hi karde”

Aur “Meri gunah ki sazaa kya tu kisi aur ko de raha hai Maula.”

Aur sab kuch kehne ke baad, bus neeche dekhe aur chal diye kehte “Alhamdulillah!”

Kabhi hua hai aisa?

;) :) :’( :D :( :P

I want to write, I want to write that I am taking this weekend off, unplanned.

I want to write that I am going home because I am tired of the two weeks full of work, of sleeplessness, of the tiredness, of the feeling that I cannot call to anyone after a 14 hour day even to say that I am tired, the pain in my elbow is not letting me type.

I am going because I am tired of the pressurizing and being rude, asking for the deliverable.

I am tired of having a cold bath everyday morning, I am tired of so many things running in my mind, from my Anti Virus to my acidity.

Because I have been missing my workouts, my early morning Prayers because of the work.

I am tired of understanding the Chan… and Pra… are now married and cant take out time for me, I can’t keep in touch with them as I always used to. I am tired of understanding and accepting that I am alone, not that I am lonely. But yes, I am tired of having my supper alone, going out to restaurants alone.

Because she and him have been coming to my mind, now and them, for no reason! (this doesn’t matter).

I am tired because I can’t say any of the things that are running in my mind to my mother, though we speak everyday.

Do I make any sense as I write this?

Just a few words, I ain’t givin’ up.