A broken teardrop
He feels lonely
It is midnight
He sleeps alone
A pain in his heart
And it is still midnight
He holds himself
He bears the pain
It’s just midnight
He dreams bad
He wakes up scared
It is midnight
He writes a poem
Still incomplete
It is just midnight
This is a new blog of mine, what I am not here is what I am there, it is a quite the other way of this one as the title says.
Well, I like calling it foolsground,
Why? The blog would tell you.
Haha, 
.
It’s me, movin’ on.
Well you see certain things happen when you least expect them and this is one such thing of many that happened with me. It was a weekend, Saturday and….
Day One
It was or rather is or rather shall be, but I feel better it would. This is about three people Me, Pri… and Pink…, new to each other. Well to say we shared just a few hours with each other or let me say I never knew Pink, only Pri.. knew her, well they’ve just started to share their room.
It was just a plan to catch up o’er the weekend and watch a movie and have lunch. Well we did watch a movie and did have the lunch too. “What’s next?” was the question. Café Coffee Day was the answer after a lot of search and discussion and around an hour or so of roaming around. Well the place was good and rather great if you are like us who spoke not so much unlike any other group would have done. That was a place where you could sit silent and still speak. We spoke, or rather laughed at my taste for coffee and chocolate, the two ladies were probably left with these two questions “1. Why would someone have such a strange expression for the taste of coffee?” and “2. How can’t anyone not like a chocolate?”. And by the end of the day we had plans to start the next day again with a movie. And we got the tickets for that as well. Coffee is nice for me only when I make it ;).
I just thought about the how the entire day went and I smiled as I walked back home. As I walked I realized that there were people who had a question “What is with this guy?” that was night so many couldn’t see me or rather I missed out a few questions.
Well that was day one.
Day Two
I just feel that this looks good the way it is. I didnot want to punctuate it.
sitting next to me
often lost in thoughts
often walking
in the confuising maze of office doors
says nothing as if his tongue is knotted
unlaced shoes
spun his web of thoughts and stuck there
rises his head looks at the lamp
walks to my cubicle
stands looking down
walks back to his in a while
thats how he is
thats how people know him
says something
and people take just giggle around
walks around confused
eats something at lunch, never complains
sits calm and finishes his plate
never speaks and says
his silences are stolen
It’s a Friday evening, alone travelling to home after working late to covering more than 35km in heavy traffic because of rains. Left with another 20 km to cover and you are in the middle of the city. That is when the headache that was just there gradually increasing its intensity till the evening, is now at its peak you’ve ever seen or experienced.
You want to sleep but you can’t, nausea consumes you because of the traffic, smoke, cold winds. You are left with no other option but just bear the pain. Bear it until you fall asleep or it makes a grave for itself in your head. You can’t say to your people that you have a bad or rather worse headache, they might take it very seriously and these sorts of troubles have been kept away from their knowledge by you, you might not just want to see them troubled.
Your pain increases further and you don’t take the pills because you are just left with a confusion, “is the pain bearable, I am bearing it? What is happening to me?” as if you have no more strength to speak. Trying to read and divert your mind and nothing works, even the slightest sound as if is sucking your brains from your head; the specs seem heavier unlike ever. Your eyes are heavy and hardly able to see any light it is like, pricking your eyes.
It was a Sunday and like any other for me I work up early, early in the sense early as I always do to spend some time with myself unless I am really tired on Saturday. Expected it to be a usual Sunday, wanted to read something useful and watch a good movie on my laptop (well I do many things useful with the laptop as well). But the day was unusually different. Four things happened in less than twenty four hours.
We (me and my roomie) went out to spend some of his money, it was the pay day the previous day . As we got down near to the stalls I saw a man, lying down on the pavement, which was not so much used. The stall where he was lying was closed that day. At the first look he seemed like any other man who had fallen there intoxicated, he wasn’t. As I passed by I saw him spitting and the thing about him astounded me, he was seriously sick. Clots of blood were clearly visible there and he did not have enough strength to get up and sit. My mind went blank, almost like a blackout. I couldn’t think anything but walked along with my roomie. As soon as I realized what I had passed by, I felt bad that I couldn’t do anything. What if I had called the ambulance, how would I take care of him? What would I enter at the records? How would I convey his where about to his relatives or was he there willingly or was he set away. All these questions ran through my mind. And I just struggled to come out of it.
Two more people. Read more »
It hurts a real bad when I think of you
I don’t know if I should even when I am twenty two
Long hours I waited to hear your hi,
And when you didn’t I never even left a sigh.
Standing on the road waiting for you
To walk along a few yards, and know how are you!
“I miss you and wanna see you” you said.
I just walked right outta bed.
I still remember your tears, when I was lost working
It took a week to see you back smile.
I solved your math when you were stuck
I never lost patience when you went wrong!
You, but gave a cold shoulder for a delayed come,
I didn’t ever fall in love, for I dint wanna see you go.
Never know when you came so near
Hurt my heart and let that go
You never had my contacts, I knew yours by heart.
Never did I let things come in, just wanted to see you happy
You were there as if, as if you never were.
It hurts me deep when I think of you.
I let you go, never held you, unlike how you did.
And you just walked along.
My wrist still feels tight, but you are gone.
I had taken a day off from the office; people have been telling me to do so. But couldn’t hold from going to other older one at least. So I had been to my good old office close down the day end time.
I was seen swiping my card to open my way into my ODC, as I moved in I was hugged by a pal and given a welcome that felt great, in fact I loved it. I was seen at that place close to after three months or more. As I walked I met another friend of mine and I was asked to straight away walk up to the café , it was close to the late coffee time, so just got ourselves elevated to the café floor and met another one there.
We sat and spoke, not me of course, they all did as I simply sat and heard them answering of required now and then. And I shared a sip of milk from one of them. And watched the sun set for and the day slipped under its sheets to wake up the night.
That felt great actually, really I did feel it.
We went back and started our works. I stayed back for a couple of hours and then walked home back with the same guy.
It feels great, feeling “back home”.
It has been over two days, I have eaten something. I just felt like not having anything.
I hadn’t often in these two days realized that my stomach was empty. And I could carry on with my work as normally as I always did, in fact I did work hard despite of it being a weekend. I did not feel tired or weak at all.
This had been happening to me, and I used to skip a meal or two, but this is the first time not having anything for such a long time.
I don’t know what was going on in my mind, which people call weird and till last night it did not make any difference to me as such. I was well and doing good. I had my breakfast today, I was feeling hungry and I couldn’t take the risk of making my stomach acidic again.
No one but one of my recent friends looked and asked was I ok, I could only tell her that I did not feel like eating something so I didn’t, that didn’t stop things there. We spoke of a few things and as usual a few silences crept in now and then. She says something is wrong with me and my health. Well, is it so?
I couldn’t answer to her questions. Why? Well my previous blog tells that. And then soon the bus reached office and had to go.
I thought not eating would be a better idea than cooking and wasting something.
It was just before August last year I had properly spoken to someone, and from then on it has been close to eight months, soon it would be a year. Why? I just don’t know. But I guess I had started to find that people haven’t been able to understand me, what I am? Or probably what they mean to me.
I was just confusing and it still probably is. I had tried to speak to people about this, but of no use. I wouldn’t be let to because they had to speak something or something else just stopped me from speaking about what is or I’d say was going in my mind. I had tried it a lot of times but still I couldn’t find any use of it.
Something is going on. Am I going far away from people? Am I losing somebody, or have people begun to lose me?
When I see a person, I see as if I am seeing him/her as a museum piece well covered in a glass case for itself, which never tries to come out of that, or probably it doesn’t want to.
I lack words these days to speak, I am hardly able to express myself or is there nothing to be expressed. I just wonder about that. I had taken enough breaks, and thought enough.
It is just like all separate pieces are good and working fine in their best of their forms, but when I try to merge them, it is a big question.
Things haven’t been making any difference on my work; I have always kept my work apart. Personal life separated from professional life, and I can say that because I have found myself improving and doing well.
I have only been speaking to my parents. And they have no clue about what is going on in my mind.
I can’t even write completely what I thought I would.
I am happy, very very happy. But still…………………
Well, they say errors and warnings have to be logged, so I just tried.
I would like to put a “Conditions Apply” here
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