Sometimes I just want to be alone, it has been a struggle in itself too. I feel I am not able to connect to anyone. I have a terrible difficulty in saying something I feel bad about. Also I feel sometimes I don’t want to be left alone and I don’t want to say this. I wish someone would just understand that and sit by my side and just say “Its going to be okay”. Someone who would just be stubborn and don’t let me be alone. Do friends do that? Is it something more that I expect from someone I consider to be a friend?
I try to sleep and I can’t. It is a complex state to be in, staring at the ceiling until I fall asleep. Sometimes, the day goes tough, very tough. These days I don’t even understand what to write.
How long does it take for someone to be with me and understand what I want them to say to me when I am upset. Such a blank mind I have been having lately. I have so many times so wanted to be alone, but had always thought of never leaving people around. I have people around, but they don’t seem to understand, or even if they do, they don’t seem to do anything about it.
Damn! its a terrible place to be in. Not really sure how many of my friends read my blog and understand what I am trying to say. Often I feel people are lost in their world to get back and think about me. Is it that I love them too much or they love me too little. I think sometimes it is not just being loved or loving someone, it is being there and understanding and being understood.
Tired of being alone, and tired of being with a friend and still feeling the same, tired of saying what I want to said and yet not having got to hear it, tired of people just wanting me to get back to being normal and not being talked about it. How long does it take for me to be confident that someone does love me the way I love them. Its a complex feeling to express.
How many times is it not that I have…. and how many times it is that I have not….
I am going to be patient if it is gonna take more time, but I just want my patience to be rewarded. Is it too much to ask?
It is not a complaint, it is not a rant, it is just what I can’t say, I write. It feels like …