Archive for the 'The Heartfelt' Category

Me, Shanthi and the catch up

So, it so happens, Seema gets in touch with Shanti(I know the spelling mistake and I love to make it) and asks her if it is ok if Tauseef talks to you, she speaks and there I go, I go ahead and talk to her. We catch up and talk and she said, she is happy to talk again finally, like after four years, so am I dear. Thanks Seema


“apologise for what??????????????????”

When you have a comment on something posted from somewhere in one of  your blues then sometime over a year ago or even longer than that, it gives a strange realization, the comment was “apologise for what??????????????????” , which I believe now makes a good title for this post.

The name from the email of the person who posted this comment seemed familiar. I just woke up from my sleep, checked my phone for emails, there this comment was. I didn’t like the comment at first. I had to get ready for the day. I kept it on hold, only to give a proper response.

As I started for the day, It made it realize, I had full authority over this comment now, I could approve, delete, reject, spam, trash this. It was MY decision to make, my call totally what so ever. The second thing is it was funny, I don’t even remember what had made me put up this post then, all I remember is I felt terrible when I had put this up, one of my hardest times I can say.

Thanks to the fact that I had put it a name in there, the face of which is nowhere close to my memory now.

This happens, we all feel bad, the funny thing is everything from the present is going to be a part of the past, once it is a part of the past I just tend to let it go, move on. It is past after all.

The name on the comment “whocares”, right, exactly!, who cares after all. It is one life for heaven’s sake. I have realized there is more to life, than just to sit and brood around.

There are people who actually need you, there are people for whom you are just an option, there are people who could make false claims about wanting you. Then there are the ones, who just go away with no notice and come back, take you for granted. There are the ones who just keep walking their road no matter what or how they make you feel. There are those few to whom you can just go, no matter what or when.

All you could do is choose wisely, but in case you couldn’t you would learn a lot.

The so called last one.

I am not single anymore, engaged, still a bachelor though. September 15, I will be done with being 26 by tonight, 16th early morning to be precise.
So what is going to be different I don’t know. So Ramadhan, 26th birthday, have been last as a bachelor InshaAllah,so shall be Bakrid InshaAllah.
Happy I can say I am with being engaged,we don’t speak though, my fiancee n I. We’ve wanted to keep it that way till the wedding.
So what else is new people (as though there is an audience. A ton and more thanks to the Almighty for helping me be and become what I am.

Here, there. Then and now

I used to write, I loved to. I still do.

A couple of years ago, I used to write whenever I felt like, no matter what it was. These days I am just getting busy, busy and busier. Lots of work, lots of people to manage. The funniest part comes when I know I am capable of doing a thing, but the only reason my task is considered a failure is because “my team” couldn’t deliver.

Now everyday I think, what is happening?

I started writing this blog somewhere around 11 am and now its 1 am, I have been working for the 15th hour now, looking into two projects, and making sure 7 people with me have sufficient work for the day.

Life becomes full of surprises as we grow and it sometimes becomes harder to accept those changes, really hard. Parents start to have health issues, you start feeling the need to have someone around you. There are times when you don’t go home any longer to take a break, but just to make sure your folks back home are doing good.

Sometimes I look at the way life has turned out and feels like life is a bitch, but I cant lose hope because of something is not feeling to be right.

Things don’t remain the same, people keep changing. Sometimes thoughts just keep rushing into your mind. It very often happens with me that I start thinking aloud these days. Questions about future, life, parents keep coming into head time and again, and there is no way that we can let go of such thoughts. I mean they are a fact and they have to be accepted. Someone you love is gonna pass away eventually, nothing is eternal. Neither our pain or our gains, the loss or the success we earn.

Sometimes I feel I get saturated with things, so saturated that something that would be the best to excite me now fails and is now just a piece in the dust bin of thoughts.

Thoughts that seemingly don’t matter keep paying a visit to my already cluttered head.

The very fact that I have been writing this piece of blog since a long time shows how things are. There were times when I could write a blog or perhaps more than one a day. Might be its just that I need a good job, reduce the travel and consider things only to a certain extent and let them not bother me. I even forget to live in the moment sometimes and start feeling my presence only after I have spoken something.

Not that I am complaining, but it is just that I feel I deserve better, a lot better.

I never knew something so much would be expected out of me, I have to outgrow my age, behave more mature than I am. This is how life is going on.

No complaints, but a lack of satisfaction.


That is how old I am now. 25.

Life is beautiful.

Whatever you call it.

, just realised after seeing their pic in the “people you may know” section of facebook that whatever you say to people, no matter how close you think you are to them, or how they make you feel. They just do what they have to, but sometimes you are the who takes all the burn, short or long, deep or superficial, and they just walk past it like they never knew you, atleast it seems to be, but seeing is believing right? So I thought, let it be, if they can after being guilty, so can being the not guilty one, all i did was try to help them.
Forgiving someone needs lot of courage, courage to see yourself hurt and heal over it, courage to look at them and walk away like nothing happened and yet keep in mind, that this could happen again. But it all depends on me how I go ahead, how I decide on things.
What was supposed to be a “whats on your mind” on facebook is now a blog, the one that brings me back. And makes me take off the protection on this one, because I didnt like Priya reading it and making a mess out of our 14 years friendship.
Bye bye woman.
But you know just for the sake of humanity, next time this happens to someone else because of you, make sure you atleast apologize.


The worst state of mind ever.

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October 2018
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