Posts Tagged 'answers'

Truth be told.

What is it, that feels so free these days, like nothing ever happened, no bounds, nothing penetrating inside the brain to suck out the life fluids, like something that stopped me from stepping on my feet and moving out. It feels unleashed, unhooked and free. Solitude I have missed for a little long living among people, the like, the unlike, the wise, the unwise, the straight, the crooked, the doubting, the believing.

It feels there is nothing beyond the obvious bonds, I feel free. Normalcy is what I call it and they simply know it as insanity. Back to self sufficiency or an increased level of self respect?

The beasts seem to have calmed down, thoughts seem to have aligned, except this feels like a mind at rest and the one getting ready for a bigger battle ahead.

Stumbling thoughts, gone out of stream at times when it comes to writing. Peace is in being alone sometimes, for me most of the times it is being alone, just me. The mask of social behavior is now gone, I am now all to myself, just the way it has always been. To myself and to no one else, for some reason it feels better this way, has always felt. But yes, much of life is only beyond our comfort zones; and that perimeter just extends to oneself and no one else.

The feeling of being in the moment, be it making tea with my mother or running my fingers through my wife’s hair, or just lifting up my nephews or just handing my father his glass of cold drink. The heat, the softness, the giggles and the wetness of condensed air, those are the little things I have always loved and will always love.

Living by reasons, except for abstractions where needed and only if needed. People may not be thinking like me, they never will, and I let those souls get what they expect, what I think they expect.

Truth be told, yes it has to be; the straighter the better.


And then….

So, its weird how things are at one time and then they are gone all of a sudden. How things change and how we humans react and respond to them. Funny how life tends to bring to us our most important lessons, but the question is do we learn from them? Or just let things be and fall prey to the circumstances. How complicated could this be to understand what is right in front of us as clear and it could be and yet we fail to understand its true meanings. Holding on to hope, does pay well. In a way or the other. Prayers are eventually answered, what you want will be granted in the way you want or a way the Almighty decreed it to be.

The wisdom sometimes lies in waiting for things to happen, sometimes they take time and sometimes they are just clear and happen in a jiffy. Holding on to a few things could just seem right, but there are times when one would realise, there is a lot at stake whilst holding on to these things.

People and mentalities change or do they evolve? Both of them I guess.

What if we all had the same sense of thought, appreciate the same thing, deny the same thing, live the same way. How would that be? Is it not what we want some how? Things to be the way we wanted them all to be. Have you ever felt that peace at heart when something has turned out the way the way you never expected it to be, the feeling of “it cannot go any worse than this, Thank God!”.

That thing we call hope, you know in the deepest of your hearts that a thing won’t work out yet you still wish with a small peace of your heart that it does somehow, and either ways you are prepared for what is to come. Not many could have gone through that phase I suppose.

Something happened yesterday and today, things I did see coming but yet hoped they wouldn’t, things were big for me. Of course it is matter of one’s perspective we could regard even the smallest thing with the highest if importances or otherwise. And an irony it stands to be how I thought about us being and behaving ourselves. At one moment apparently, finally we all lose it, leave things to change us, but patience in such cases to stand and withstand what is being put in front of us.

I am pretty sure I am falling sick, fever has been taking me over the past couple of days, I better stop writing this and continue at some point of time else.

Any time ever?

Kabhi aisa hua hai ki sab kuch hote hue tumne Khuda se ye kaha ki “Aye Maalik, jo hai sab kuch le le, badle me mein bus wo ek cheez de de”.

Kabhi aisa laga hai ki, “Kaash, aye Khuda, thoda aur waqt deta” aur “Bus isi cheez se aazmaana baaki tha?”

Kabhi aisa laga hai, ki bus ooper aasmaan ki aor dekha aur kehdiye “Teri marzi ke aage mein kya hoon!”

Aur kya kabhi aisa laga hai ki rotey raho raat bhar bus ek hi dua mein ki “Maana mein ne galtiyaan ki hai, par tu hi to dene wala hai, maaf hi karde”

Aur “Meri gunah ki sazaa kya tu kisi aur ko de raha hai Maula.”

Aur sab kuch kehne ke baad, bus neeche dekhe aur chal diye kehte “Alhamdulillah!”

Kabhi hua hai aisa?


Why is it that I am at total peace, like I dont have a brain no longer, like someone has sucked out the grey matter.
Why is it that I am convinced everytime that even the biggest scar you carry on your heart sooner or later decorates it.
Why is it that I could forgive and forget the things that lead to so much of a disturbed soul I carried for so long.
Why is it that I am convinced that what has to happen will happen and all I have to do is only ask and work.
Why has it become a conviction that I dont wanna be changing.
Why is that I think of death a lot more frequently than I previously used.
Why is it tht my perspective of death has changed, so has the perspecive of life.
Why is it I now realise I have the guts to say, “Yes, I did it”, though I did it always.
Why is it that there seems to be honor in silences.
Why is it that I have patience now to wait and see what an incident could mean.
Why is it that there is hardly any “why”?
Why is it that I now know, Life is Beautiful.

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January 2019
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