Posts Tagged 'bad'

Will it matter?

It is the same thing again, something is wrong, I dont know if I should have gone to Seema’s wedding. If it was not for Seema I would have not gone. It felt happy to attend her wedding, but the fact that I had to come across so many faces that I wish I will never have to was something that needed some time. I didn’t like them, they have not changed, not even a bit. They are the same old mean people who still don’t have time for friends, friends for them mean people who exist in pictures and not anything else. All of them seemed happy I wonder if they really were.

I took a few pics of Seema, I would never see her again as a bride, that was the reason.

Is it since that that day that I am off the track or something I don’t know, but It has been a very long time since I have smiled properly and even looked out of my bedroom window.

I am not sad or unhappy, but a feeling of loneliness is taking me over apparently. I think I need some company. I now don’t understand how to start interacting with people. There is tremendous pressure a work and I feel bad about the way the work is going monotonous these days and I feel I am not giving my best at work.

I feel awfully stupid of myself and I hate myself when I am like this. Half asleep, middle of the night, struggling to sleep, confused, irritated, tired that is how I feel. I wish I could jump off a cliff and just keep falling.

 

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??silence??

The worst state of mind ever.

??? 150110 0041hrs IST

Halfway down to sleep, yet restless I woke up, turned the laptop on, connected to the internet just to find out that people follow GMT in London. And yes of course that lead to me doing this post.

So, it is like I have to start to be getting religious again, this whole health thing had so put me away, I feel bad, really bad. And I am losing this whole Zen thing I was building up, or is it just it is not of my type to be Zen types. I am just confused where it is that I am heading, I know I have been in this confusion for a real long time and come back often.

The whole past rejection thing….Blah blah blah…..

Aaargh…..

Damn it!

Aaargh!!…


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