Posts Tagged 'bored'

Will it matter?

It is the same thing again, something is wrong, I dont know if I should have gone to Seema’s wedding. If it was not for Seema I would have not gone. It felt happy to attend her wedding, but the fact that I had to come across so many faces that I wish I will never have to was something that needed some time. I didn’t like them, they have not changed, not even a bit. They are the same old mean people who still don’t have time for friends, friends for them mean people who exist in pictures and not anything else. All of them seemed happy I wonder if they really were.

I took a few pics of Seema, I would never see her again as a bride, that was the reason.

Is it since that that day that I am off the track or something I don’t know, but It has been a very long time since I have smiled properly and even looked out of my bedroom window.

I am not sad or unhappy, but a feeling of loneliness is taking me over apparently. I think I need some company. I now don’t understand how to start interacting with people. There is tremendous pressure a work and I feel bad about the way the work is going monotonous these days and I feel I am not giving my best at work.

I feel awfully stupid of myself and I hate myself when I am like this. Half asleep, middle of the night, struggling to sleep, confused, irritated, tired that is how I feel. I wish I could jump off a cliff and just keep falling.

 

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Life @ 25

What happens around sometimes confuses me, I don’t even know where to begin with, where did the boredom start from, from staying in hostels, eating out for the past 4 and odd years, years of working with no such thing called as proper satisfaction or with something like trying to make friends and failing at it, or shall I say many futile attempts to search where does happiness lie at all, in talking to someone, in sharing thoughts, in making someone else happy. Where?

Sometimes I feel life aint good, it is like living the same day over and over and over again. Things start to make me feel as if i have become a PIA to myself, I aint. I see the same thing in so many people around, do they fake being happy and content or is it just that they go with the flow, I am not a man of that type I like to live by my own rules.

Things start to feel boring so soon, no matter what we do. Or is it being single even at 25 that makes the mind go insane, then I think, how much does having someone next to you solve an issue like this. Is it practical at all. Things have started to appear like a sine wave all ups and downs of emotions, episodes of stroke like, where in the mind thinks and does its best at times and then freezes like the time is still and anything it does would be of no significance at all.

Was it the episode of priya and nitin that has turned my mind insane or is it my wish to live and love as I wanted to created such a havoc.

It is not about being depressed or discontent or dissatisfied here. For me its just a phase I am going through, a quarter life crisis might be. But this aint good, too much of boredom.

I have tons to speak, things I cant just speak with everyone, its just one right person that helps and I have waited long enough, and I still am. Why did this line come in, I don’t know.

This is a little complicated.

02.01.10 0212hrs IST

Yes, It is the wee hours of a Friday night, soon to be a Saturday morning and guess where am I? Well, that doesn’t matter.

I am bored I can say, I am not able to find too many things to work on or work about. Not that I am unhappy about things, I am content.

I am just bored of being this, I need a change, but what do I need as a part of the change.It is like I am going through all those things as in Quarter Life Crisis or something else. I am not frustrated that I want to rip my skull apart and then go for the brains. It is just that I want to feel like standing on the foot-board of an empty bus, that is cruising down the road on a winter evening.

I don’t feel like watching any movies. Nothing is interesting me. I can’t sleep. When I do, the sleep seems not enough. Just feels like speaking to someone, but what do I?

Fire on the cart…..

Last night, me and my room-mate Sandy (I like calling him that way), after having watched Wall-E felt bored and we weren’t in thoughts of watching another movie it was around 0130hrs of Sunday. That was just after the midnight :).

Yep, so we were on the street just talking and feeling the cool breeze at that time of the night. On our way, I saw a few flames and then

Me: Orey, something wrong! (Orey in Telugu = pal in English)

Sandy: Hey, nuthin… just a few flames someone might be there.

Me: No man, s##t its serious, let’s try putting them off.

Sandy: What’s that that’s burning?

Me: Don’t know, let’s see.

I went and saw something like glass bottles, felt like those were the soda (carbonated water) containers, I told that to him

Sandy: Let us move, they can blow anytime.

We ran from that place, but with guilt, we went further to see if someone was there, we saw a few late night carts, told them about the flames, we tried calling the police actually, but efforts in vain. So we tried ourselves, but since we thought that those were soda bottles couldn’t afford trying longer.

I looked for a few cars to get the fire extinguisher, a aaa… it was too late to find one.

Yep, so we to those people and they turned out to be so cold. Anyways, we couldn’t I couldn’t hold myself and asked Sandy to come along to see if we could do something, (the bottles didn’t blow till then). We ran, and I made my way first into those flames, took a mat from a nearby cart and tired to put the fire off, it was then that I realized that that was a cart of fruits and not soda.

We removed out jackets and started fighting the fire. 80% done, but the carton of grapes was still on fire. I went little more inside and yeah breathed in some smoke Continue reading ‘Fire on the cart…..’

The girl, she is beautiful.

I am very much out of my previous post situation now. I am out.

 

Hmmm…. It’s a Saturday and it is not supposed to be at the office day, but I was there, was called for some important work. Now that I was there, the work is done.

 

The door of my work place was open and I could see a girl, she was far enough from my place to see that she is beautiful, well she really is. She was in blue jeans, and a sky-blue colored kurti, the cotton one.

I’d been noticing her every now and then, well, not every now and then but just a few times since my arrival at the office, now that doesn’t mean I haven’t been working, I have been and the work is approved. I am happy for that.

 

Oh yes, the girl. Her hair was left open when I saw her in the morning, now in a cute pony tail from her hair; she looks all the more beautiful in that. From my place without any struggle I can see only that bit of her. And that almost fair complexion. Phew………

 

And the way, she was walking here and there being busy in work, it was something else :). Those little droplets of tension on her face, the way she adjusted her hair. I had to go and close the door to get back to my work, I did work.

 

And yes, I don’t think I am in love this time as well. It is just that she is beautiful.

 

I wish I find a girlfriend soon, how is it related to this post, I don’t know. I just wish.


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