Posts Tagged 'faith'

The then and the now

Things just seem strange these days, I wonder what is wrong. I am half present at times and the present comes like a surprise to me often. I have began to think if I am going delusional. Familiar faces, and friends now seem strange, this feeling of not being able to connect to someone makes it worse.

People who once were friends now seem far apart, there was a time when most secretive things were shared, confided and discussed and now, there is nothing but this maze of hideous separations. All that it is, is just that it is becoming increasingly difficult to trust people around, or rather trust the thoughts of people around. 

Something or the other happens with everyone, but does it mean everyone around must face their wrath for some small/big unfairness done to them? 

It is true, when it comes to keeping oneself happy, one can go to any extent to do so, sooner or later. I guess this is just a test as to how we hold before we are forced down to our knees.

Someone once talked about everything and every little thing that he wanted to be hidden from the world, the next thing I know is, he doesn’t care for my being around. I am socially difficult too, but yes, before once turns a cold shoulder, one better remind oneself of what they have had in common.

From being best friends to strangers, from midnight birthday wishes to being forgetful. All I realize is the best of my friends have been they with whom I have just been friends and our friendship was limited to dinners and a few walks and not the ones that I spent late nights with,n or walked having ice creams, nor the ones even where I was totally happy but those where my moments were measured in terms of being there and not only being present, where my anger/desperation was understood and not judged. All it could just be that I was a difficult person to befriend with and only a few could hold on to me. And rather, expectations are the cause for such disappointments.

But yes, things do change their priority but does that mean we forget other things to the core. Things might want to change us, but how far is it justifiable for us to let them. We are eventually a part of the bigger picture, everything we do or we don’t do will cause something to happen or not happen. The Butterfly Effect what they say.

Of course, we are humans, susceptibility is only our second nature, we get easily influence by things. I do not hold myself separate from this, we all do a lot of things merely on the basis of the situation rather than foreseeing the consequences of it.


a little more…

Breath into me a little more bravery, a little more zeal, a little more life and a little more of devotion.

Breath into me a little more patience, a little more peace, a little more faith and a little more life

Breath into me a little more of me, a little more of You, give me a little more of myself.

Here I go

Dusted dreams under my pillow
Penned down hopes,
Castles built in sand,
Scapes hidden in glass cases
Loved hearted in red crystal
All under my pillow

Those are just a few I have Those are all I have
Havent ever thought away so far Havent ever dreamt so far

I walk along my boulevards
I walk along the snowed streets
I walk along the sands and storms
The sun shines bright
And the moon’s lit strong

I have no map for the journey I am on for, its only the dream
I have no idea of trees and bushes
I have no idea of the jungle or the garden
All I know I just to walk alone

My dreams my only guides My shadow the only friend
My castles the only stay My Faith, Fear the only shields

All I know I have to dream
All I know I have to walk
All I know I cant give up
All I know I have to survive
All I know is befriend the darkness and bruises
All I know is I cant take a deviation

There is a lot to walk, yes there is.
Bruised a thousand, bled a million times
Yet I survived, yet I will survive.

Its time to walk, its time to dream, its time to read.
Here I go, Here I go, Here I go
Be with me, for You are in what I trust. Be with me.
Here I go, Here I go, Here I go
To earn my honor, to get my grail and sip some water.
Water from the spring there, far on the other end of road

Being a me.,

I was totally broken down, couldn’t believe what had happened in that dark unlit room, I was sulking for my headache and my loneliness, it was near to 2200hrs, was all alone. I felt this many times before, even right now! I want to speak to someone. I want to have a best friend, a real best friend.

So last night, I was lost, the edge of me, from where I would start being not me. A stage I would feel bad for a probably longer time than even before.

I sent this text to a colleague of mine,

“I want to forget every single person Continue reading ‘Being a me.,’

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December 2018
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