Posts Tagged 'family'

Truth be told.

What is it, that feels so free these days, like nothing ever happened, no bounds, nothing penetrating inside the brain to suck out the life fluids, like something that stopped me from stepping on my feet and moving out. It feels unleashed, unhooked and free. Solitude I have missed for a little long living among people, the like, the unlike, the wise, the unwise, the straight, the crooked, the doubting, the believing.

It feels there is nothing beyond the obvious bonds, I feel free. Normalcy is what I call it and they simply know it as insanity. Back to self sufficiency or an increased level of self respect?

The beasts seem to have calmed down, thoughts seem to have aligned, except this feels like a mind at rest and the one getting ready for a bigger battle ahead.

Stumbling thoughts, gone out of stream at times when it comes to writing. Peace is in being alone sometimes, for me most of the times it is being alone, just me. The mask of social behavior is now gone, I am now all to myself, just the way it has always been. To myself and to no one else, for some reason it feels better this way, has always felt. But yes, much of life is only beyond our comfort zones; and that perimeter just extends to oneself and no one else.

The feeling of being in the moment, be it making tea with my mother or running my fingers through my wife’s hair, or just lifting up my nephews or just handing my father his glass of cold drink. The heat, the softness, the giggles and the wetness of condensed air, those are the little things I have always loved and will always love.

Living by reasons, except for abstractions where needed and only if needed. People may not be thinking like me, they never will, and I let those souls get what they expect, what I think they expect.

Truth be told, yes it has to be; the straighter the better.

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To Be or Not To Be

The days are growing terribly painful, my presence at work is not being of any satisfaction to me. It seems like I am losing all my best.

I stay back at work doing nothing, I stay up all night browsing, watching videos, movies what not. The workouts have almost stopped, life seems to have stood still now from a few days, I don’t know where and how am I gonna land up in a few weeks from now. It is a sick mindset what I have right now.

I feel stupid of myself. I am out of any known relationship, the only people I am in touch with is my parents. Friends seem to have gone long, far away. I don’t have any sort of companionship around. I don’t say I am lonely, but surely a company would help a million times.

I have built up tonnes to speak, but with whom is the question. I sit in the bathroom often talking to myself, sometimes even loud enough.

Why does life have to lead into so many complexities, as we grow, especially at 25.

I know just a few simple things like hanging on in times like these will take a long way, but why. Why do we eventually have to look at people who are irrelevantly selfish, sounding silly more than always. Why do we have to …..

I have spent a few days not working at all, and having hell lot of work at the office. The days just go and leave a trace of unhappiness. I see someone at the office, I admire her a lot, for some reason I cant just go straight and talk to her. That is something that grows really embarrassing, it makes me feel cowardly.

How long would I take long rides on bikes, just walk around in streets, eat out alone in diners and restaurants. How long would I have to charge my phone once in four days and pay nothing more than the rental and service bills for my phone. How long will I have to go to sleep being sick. How long will I have to say to myself that I love music and that is what brings me out of the blues. I like these things, I have loved to be like that and I have loved the way things have been so far. But I guess now things I have to change, but the change now is clueless, where do I start, what is going to end with. Where are my dreams?  What is the cost I have to pay to get them done?

I just don’t sit and dream, I work and I have worked my *** off for long enough. I wonder what it would like to attain bliss.

Sometimes I feel to jump off a cliff and fall to no end. I need peace of mind. I want to talk to someone. But I want to make clear that I am fine, it is just that things can be so much better.


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