Posts Tagged 'Friend'

missing,,,

Missing my baby girl and one of my good friends, the day is turning hard to pass. Moments are just getting heavier with the day. I wish I could do something. One cant speak and the other is just …

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To her,

It has now been over a year I have seen her. In fact we met so that she could give me my birthday present weeks before it actually was and also to invite me to her wedding.

I never expected that day that it would be so long and time would pass by thinking hearing from you every single day, how ever busy I would be, never an occasion passed without me having scrolled to your number on my phone, but I wouldn’t dial, some sort of fear would stop me, it still does.

The texts that I get from you, “… will call you soon”, I still wait how soon is it going to be. Not that I don’t understand what you are going through. But it would have been great simply to hear you speak for a little while at least. I don’t complain about such things, but you know…

I was never in love with you, not even close. One thought that always comes to my mind and I often say this to Khaja is “I have no complaints with life, but surely her presence around would have made things a lot better”.

We never really shared problems or so, but I really like the way we build a relation and how we have respect for each other. You are the first woman I have liked so much, besides the obvious ones.  I miss the way you speak continuously sometimes.

I miss the way we used to catch up randomly for a pizza sometimes, I haven’t had a pizza since then, no proper company to go out you see.

So many things have happened with us, they’ve made us grow with time, taught us change the way we think, but still none of that changed the way we looked for each other. The fact that we both had people around us who meant a lot to each us, but the importance they had never was a factor for us being available for each other when we needed to talk or catch up for a pizza.

One thing added to my realization is that as we grow, people around us grow busy and we grow busy for them too, and we very often lose track of them. But there still will be a few people who talk to you just like yesterday, you are one of those.

It wasn’t easy for me when I split with priya, and the fact that you couldn’t help me move on with it made me realize that, there are certain times when you don’t needs someone’s sympathy or empathy, it is just someone’s being next to you would suffice.

I wish I could really find a chance to say all this to you, but I am not sure how things would go along.

Out of a happy heart…

nothing else but just a castle of thoughts you were

and now i see how you are silent

     i wonder if you arent deaf

     i wonder if you arent blind

     i wonder if you arent alive

you see my death in pain

you see my love in vain

     C’mon! where is your soul, lost?

     where is your heart sold?

O i realise our bond was an assumption

a one, with nothing but your self

o, you leaking human

realise you have no love.

     love left no where in the worlds of my heart

     seriousness left no where in the spaces of my mind.

all the hugs i gave, all your tears i wept.

were all suddenly discomforts, not even hand over your shoulder

     I held you hand and you ripped mine.

     took it along,

o, you better realize i’ll never weep in pain

your love was all mine, never yours.

     i wonder if you arent deaf

     i wonder if you arent blind

     i wonder if you arent alive

Being *just a best friend*….

Well, thought I wouldnt write any *unhappy* posts, but i guess i should place down the feeling somewhere.

I am a friend of someone, a best friend. I have been for years. And now is the difference, she has a boyfriend. And I just realized that.

Hence analyzed the change(i needed help on this), then this thing struck my mind, she now has a “personal life” but I don’t, and she is happy with it and I have to respect that fact.

So I cant expect her to behave the same way as she used to a year ago, cant expect her to come out with me, talk to me as often as she used to, buy things for her, write poems for her. Moreover cant do things for her that made her happy. Cant expect her to share her problems with me.

We’ve been friends for 12 years, for God’s sake 12 long years. What i am going through is a silence to accept that fact, to accept the change.

You’ve got to lose something that has much become a part of you, someone who you loved the most and cared for the most.

Does it hurt or does it hurt bad?

A meal and a memory

So I get something to write now. Yeah… here it goes.

 Paw was late and her missed her dinner. Now because of the message I sent her she decides to call me on my cell phone, she does.

We met at the office café, she to have a snack and me to give her a company. I could see she was down. I let her say it. One of her close friend’s father passed away.

That then reminded me of Vijay, a good guy he passed away for no good reason. It reminded me of that night when we heard the news. My next thought was about Fou and Narsi…

Fou and me never spoke for a year, I thought I had to give her sometime so I just let her be. Fou.., Narsi and Vijay were very close and I was there for the three of them.

Now that by nature I am a guy who needs things close to perfection, I couldn’t ever make it for a very good relation with them three, seldom disagreements we had, but they were just for sometime and moreover I wasn’t ever so close that I would be missed.

That night we came to know about Vijay’s death. I called Naveen, Narsi’s room mate.

“Please come down to my place, I can’t see him this way!” was what Naveen told me. I and Mahesh, my roommate went to his place.

An untidy bachelor’s room and a guy in pain of losing a loved one, those were my observations. I sat next to him, gave him sometime, the very first thing I asked him was “Tea? Go out, Shall we?”

Doors locked and we walked out. The only place that would serve us tea at 0230hrs in the morning was the office café, a good thirty minutes in silence and just company.

The only thing I could do was put my arm around his shoulder and try to tell him, how sorry I was.

Vijay was just 22, I think of him often and very often about this demise.

I haven’t wept for Vijay, neither felt bad or unhappy or angry for losing him. All I am left is with an empty emotion for him. I haven’t yet understood why.

Just an empty emotion.

And then I tried “my” style jokes to get her out, managed a few giggles at last and one good laugh and a hearty snack meal for her. Guess what? We are going out tomorrow….. 

Me, Paw… and some time together…

What happens when you go out with soemeone, someone like Paw…I dont know what happens, but nothing bad happens at all.

OK so here is a list of things what happens.

1. You get the chance of asking the bus driver to stop where there is not supposed to stop at all.

2. You get to go to a place where the food doesnt taste so good, as they say.

3. You get to eat a lot despite the fact that you are full already

4. You get a compliment, which you never can imagine

5. You get to realise that the place doesnt accept debit cards,

6. You are supposed to carry enough money and not calculate the bill mentally.

7. You get a chance to feel why you need to thank someone.

8. And you get a kilometer to walk…

and lots of sleep…..

OK so the thing is i went out to a dhaba with Paw… and I had a good time.

And I guess i am too tired to write anything more here…

An incomplete one…a good time..

It was a Sunday and the only day I can take out for all the personal work in the world I have. Paw… just returned after seeing her father. Aaahhhhh!!! My good ol’ friend. I called her up and asked shall we meet? She said “Yes”.

She : “Hey, would you have some soup?”

In between not so important conversation……

Me : “Extra chilly for my upset stomach”.

She : “Am sorry!!”

Me : “Ok dear, I’ve missed a good friend for long. So nice of you Paw…”

Lots and lots of talk then….for about three hours which included a 45min dinner. And watching a part of “Dil Chahta Hai” on my lappy.

Lots of happy talk, then…. Time to go, it was 2230hrs almost and I didn’t want to leave, Continue reading ‘An incomplete one…a good time..’


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