Posts Tagged 'Friends'

Sometimes and always

Everyday that I wake up now has surprises, complications and challenges. Not a day goes by content. I have tried changing everything, I mean my behavior, my time splits, my priorities. I feel like I have not been made to live like peacefully. The work sometimes becomes too much, it becomes very difficult to maintain a balance, but perhaps this is an indication that I need a big change very soon. With the kid, the responsibilities have gone up.

I have never been a satisfied person as such, but things here are just going to another level, everyday that I wake up, I just want to go back to bed again, I look at my colleagues and I feel like I work a lot more than what these people do. I need to earn more money, now the question is whether staying in this job or getting a new one.

What I don’t understand is why is life supposed to be so hard? Why is it that I have always had to run towards things, is it my nature or I attract things like that? Why is is that I end up with utter dissatisfaction with everything I get involved with? Why is it that nothing seems to end properly? Why is it that I cannot take a proper break from things around? Why is it that I really love people and I don’t really love them. Why is it that I end with a thumping heart every morning, why is it that I want to lead a better life when I have everything.

Why is it that I constantly want to change the surroundings I live in? Why is it that I am dissatisfied with any amount of love, work and rest. I get paranoid when I have to decide what I need to do? Why is it that I end up losing everything I loved.

I end up talking to myself of all these things over and over and over again and find no conclusions what so ever, I want to live an extra large life and I find no way towards it.

Now a days, with this new assignment, everything is just getting shattered. I don’t understand if this is the new work or the personal situation I am in right now.

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The then and the now

Things just seem strange these days, I wonder what is wrong. I am half present at times and the present comes like a surprise to me often. I have began to think if I am going delusional. Familiar faces, and friends now seem strange, this feeling of not being able to connect to someone makes it worse.

People who once were friends now seem far apart, there was a time when most secretive things were shared, confided and discussed and now, there is nothing but this maze of hideous separations. All that it is, is just that it is becoming increasingly difficult to trust people around, or rather trust the thoughts of people around. 

Something or the other happens with everyone, but does it mean everyone around must face their wrath for some small/big unfairness done to them? 

It is true, when it comes to keeping oneself happy, one can go to any extent to do so, sooner or later. I guess this is just a test as to how we hold before we are forced down to our knees.

Someone once talked about everything and every little thing that he wanted to be hidden from the world, the next thing I know is, he doesn’t care for my being around. I am socially difficult too, but yes, before once turns a cold shoulder, one better remind oneself of what they have had in common.

From being best friends to strangers, from midnight birthday wishes to being forgetful. All I realize is the best of my friends have been they with whom I have just been friends and our friendship was limited to dinners and a few walks and not the ones that I spent late nights with,n or walked having ice creams, nor the ones even where I was totally happy but those where my moments were measured in terms of being there and not only being present, where my anger/desperation was understood and not judged. All it could just be that I was a difficult person to befriend with and only a few could hold on to me. And rather, expectations are the cause for such disappointments.

But yes, things do change their priority but does that mean we forget other things to the core. Things might want to change us, but how far is it justifiable for us to let them. We are eventually a part of the bigger picture, everything we do or we don’t do will cause something to happen or not happen. The Butterfly Effect what they say.

Of course, we are humans, susceptibility is only our second nature, we get easily influence by things. I do not hold myself separate from this, we all do a lot of things merely on the basis of the situation rather than foreseeing the consequences of it.

Me, Shanthi and the catch up

So, it so happens, Seema gets in touch with Shanti(I know the spelling mistake and I love to make it) and asks her if it is ok if Tauseef talks to you, she speaks and there I go, I go ahead and talk to her. We catch up and talk and she said, she is happy to talk again finally, like after four years, so am I dear. Thanks Seema

“apologise for what??????????????????”

When you have a comment on something posted from somewhere in one of  your blues then sometime over a year ago or even longer than that, it gives a strange realization, the comment was “apologise for what??????????????????” , which I believe now makes a good title for this post.

The name from the email of the person who posted this comment seemed familiar. I just woke up from my sleep, checked my phone for emails, there this comment was. I didn’t like the comment at first. I had to get ready for the day. I kept it on hold, only to give a proper response.

As I started for the day, It made it realize, I had full authority over this comment now, I could approve, delete, reject, spam, trash this. It was MY decision to make, my call totally what so ever. The second thing is it was funny, I don’t even remember what had made me put up this post then, all I remember is I felt terrible when I had put this up, one of my hardest times I can say.

Thanks to the fact that I had put it a name in there, the face of which is nowhere close to my memory now.

This happens, we all feel bad, the funny thing is everything from the present is going to be a part of the past, once it is a part of the past I just tend to let it go, move on. It is past after all.

The name on the comment “whocares”, right, exactly!, who cares after all. It is one life for heaven’s sake. I have realized there is more to life, than just to sit and brood around.

There are people who actually need you, there are people for whom you are just an option, there are people who could make false claims about wanting you. Then there are the ones, who just go away with no notice and come back, take you for granted. There are the ones who just keep walking their road no matter what or how they make you feel. There are those few to whom you can just go, no matter what or when.

All you could do is choose wisely, but in case you couldn’t you would learn a lot.

Whatever you call it.

, just realised after seeing their pic in the “people you may know” section of facebook that whatever you say to people, no matter how close you think you are to them, or how they make you feel. They just do what they have to, but sometimes you are the who takes all the burn, short or long, deep or superficial, and they just walk past it like they never knew you, atleast it seems to be, but seeing is believing right? So I thought, let it be, if they can after being guilty, so can being the not guilty one, all i did was try to help them.
Forgiving someone needs lot of courage, courage to see yourself hurt and heal over it, courage to look at them and walk away like nothing happened and yet keep in mind, that this could happen again. But it all depends on me how I go ahead, how I decide on things.
What was supposed to be a “whats on your mind” on facebook is now a blog, the one that brings me back. And makes me take off the protection on this one, because I didnt like Priya reading it and making a mess out of our 14 years friendship.
Bye bye woman.
But you know just for the sake of humanity, next time this happens to someone else because of you, make sure you atleast apologize.

Pink Gray Black n Blue

0845hrs IST, Hyderabad, India.
SR Nagar, Ameerpet Area.
Pink tee-shirt, and a gray pyjamas, sitting under the tree on a stone in the veranda, with her friend, fair, eyes yet sleepy she seemed interesting.
Women do draw attention when they are dressed up like at home, I think I must agree on that.
Ok, so here I was blue, light blue, lighter light blue, lighter lighter light blue striped shirt, black trousers, a shoulder bag, walkin’ with hands in my pocket, ear phones plugged in, lip singing the song in the playlist.
I saw her as you see every other thing while you walk, I saw that she was looking at me. I saw again, this time to see actually if she was continuing to look at me. She was, and how? her chin on the palm covering the lower right quarter of her face, the lower lip on slightly top of the upper.
Past that, I just smiled and headed on my way to the office.
0845hrs IST, Hyderabad, India.
SR Nagar, Ameerpet Area.
Pink tee-shirt, and a gray pyjamas, sitting under the tree on a stone in the veranda, with her friend, fair, eyes yet sleepy she seemed interesting.
Women do draw attention when they are dressed up like at home, I think I must agree on that.
Ok, so here I was blue, light blue, lighter light blue, lighter lighter light blue striped shirt, black trousers, a shoulder bag, walkin’ with hands in my pocket, ear phones plugged in, lip singing the song in the playlist.
I saw her as you see every other thing while you walk, I saw that she was looking at me. I saw again, this time to see actually if she was continuing to look at me. She was, and how? her chin on the palm covering the lower right quarter of her face, the lower lip on slightly top of the upper.
Past that, I just smiled and headed on my way to the office.

23-363

When I was going out for my 11th and 12th standards, Baba(My father) called me and asked to read these lines from a paper and then gave me diary to write these down. He wanted me to learn them, understand them.

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives: Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone may destroy overnight; Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is all between you and GOD; It was never between you and them anyway.

I am no 23years and 363 days old, will be turning 24 and start 25. Being 23 and going through 24 has taught me so much. The whole perspective of life, love, loneliness, trust, friendship, betrayal, loyalty, faith, God, His presence, Iman, Ammi(My mother), Baba has changed so much, I can say I guess it is so much different or rather detailed.

I almost fear nothing these days for I know there is a reason things happen.

People say it is that the Continue reading ’23-363′


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