Posts Tagged 'People'

Sometimes and always

Everyday that I wake up now has surprises, complications and challenges. Not a day goes by content. I have tried changing everything, I mean my behavior, my time splits, my priorities. I feel like I have not been made to live like peacefully. The work sometimes becomes too much, it becomes very difficult to maintain a balance, but perhaps this is an indication that I need a big change very soon. With the kid, the responsibilities have gone up.

I have never been a satisfied person as such, but things here are just going to another level, everyday that I wake up, I just want to go back to bed again, I look at my colleagues and I feel like I work a lot more than what these people do. I need to earn more money, now the question is whether staying in this job or getting a new one.

What I don’t understand is why is life supposed to be so hard? Why is it that I have always had to run towards things, is it my nature or I attract things like that? Why is is that I end up with utter dissatisfaction with everything I get involved with? Why is it that nothing seems to end properly? Why is it that I cannot take a proper break from things around? Why is it that I really love people and I don’t really love them. Why is it that I end with a thumping heart every morning, why is it that I want to lead a better life when I have everything.

Why is it that I constantly want to change the surroundings I live in? Why is it that I am dissatisfied with any amount of love, work and rest. I get paranoid when I have to decide what I need to do? Why is it that I end up losing everything I loved.

I end up talking to myself of all these things over and over and over again and find no conclusions what so ever, I want to live an extra large life and I find no way towards it.

Now a days, with this new assignment, everything is just getting shattered. I don’t understand if this is the new work or the personal situation I am in right now.

“apologise for what??????????????????”

When you have a comment on something posted from somewhere in one of  your blues then sometime over a year ago or even longer than that, it gives a strange realization, the comment was “apologise for what??????????????????” , which I believe now makes a good title for this post.

The name from the email of the person who posted this comment seemed familiar. I just woke up from my sleep, checked my phone for emails, there this comment was. I didn’t like the comment at first. I had to get ready for the day. I kept it on hold, only to give a proper response.

As I started for the day, It made it realize, I had full authority over this comment now, I could approve, delete, reject, spam, trash this. It was MY decision to make, my call totally what so ever. The second thing is it was funny, I don’t even remember what had made me put up this post then, all I remember is I felt terrible when I had put this up, one of my hardest times I can say.

Thanks to the fact that I had put it a name in there, the face of which is nowhere close to my memory now.

This happens, we all feel bad, the funny thing is everything from the present is going to be a part of the past, once it is a part of the past I just tend to let it go, move on. It is past after all.

The name on the comment “whocares”, right, exactly!, who cares after all. It is one life for heaven’s sake. I have realized there is more to life, than just to sit and brood around.

There are people who actually need you, there are people for whom you are just an option, there are people who could make false claims about wanting you. Then there are the ones, who just go away with no notice and come back, take you for granted. There are the ones who just keep walking their road no matter what or how they make you feel. There are those few to whom you can just go, no matter what or when.

All you could do is choose wisely, but in case you couldn’t you would learn a lot.

Life @ 25

What happens around sometimes confuses me, I don’t even know where to begin with, where did the boredom start from, from staying in hostels, eating out for the past 4 and odd years, years of working with no such thing called as proper satisfaction or with something like trying to make friends and failing at it, or shall I say many futile attempts to search where does happiness lie at all, in talking to someone, in sharing thoughts, in making someone else happy. Where?

Sometimes I feel life aint good, it is like living the same day over and over and over again. Things start to make me feel as if i have become a PIA to myself, I aint. I see the same thing in so many people around, do they fake being happy and content or is it just that they go with the flow, I am not a man of that type I like to live by my own rules.

Things start to feel boring so soon, no matter what we do. Or is it being single even at 25 that makes the mind go insane, then I think, how much does having someone next to you solve an issue like this. Is it practical at all. Things have started to appear like a sine wave all ups and downs of emotions, episodes of stroke like, where in the mind thinks and does its best at times and then freezes like the time is still and anything it does would be of no significance at all.

Was it the episode of priya and nitin that has turned my mind insane or is it my wish to live and love as I wanted to created such a havoc.

It is not about being depressed or discontent or dissatisfied here. For me its just a phase I am going through, a quarter life crisis might be. But this aint good, too much of boredom.

I have tons to speak, things I cant just speak with everyone, its just one right person that helps and I have waited long enough, and I still am. Why did this line come in, I don’t know.

This is a little complicated.

Randomness-Being Us or rather being ‘Me’

We are who we are.
Aren’t we? Do we change? Will we change?
If so, why would we change? would that reason be so compelling that we change? What makes us change?
What ever it is, the crux of our selves remains the same, its the same kernel we are built over or rather mould ourselves over.
The kindness in a heart still breathes, how so ever mean we become.
The meanness of a person still lurks over in the deepest corners of the true heart.
At one point or the other, how so far we travel, we come back to the same old point where we all started.
We all trust someone we have never seen by mere signatures of the nature and our beliefs, yet we don’t trust the people who walk, talk, live amongst us. Doesn’t it sound strange or does it?
We are who we are, Tauseef is gonna be Tauseef, Fayaz, Fayaz, Jaffar, Noman, Naveen, Naveen, Naveen, My mother, My father, Seema, Swathi, Noman, Badi, Choti, Aabid, Ali are all going to be what they are. Will they? Will we? Will I?
The question sometimes I come across is how far can you hold someone else’s hand when you know that if you don’t let go of the hand you are going to drown to death, how far can you carry the dead weight on your back, how far can you keep bearing the pain for somebody’s happiness for whom you are nothing more than a stranger. Or just how far can someone do the same for you.
How far can you/we in love?(taking an example)
When I got a text on my mobile from a friend’s sister I realized how much could someone love somebody else, I dont know if love grows deep with time and conversations. But that helped me realize how much less is I have loved someone and how much less was I loved back in return.
That means there is more to love and more to be loved
Shan… could have sent me that email where in she tells that she didn’t want to be in contact with me any more, I don’t know was that because she loved him more than she loved me or because she felt that he loved her more than I did, but yes what ever it is, someone always gets to be loved more and some fail at loving. After all expression of feelings alone doesnt create love or deepen it in hearts. Now that she is not our or rather my topic to be discussed here.
And I have learned it the hardway, that everything has a price, not as in currency, but sure there is price to pay.
All this what I typed in, does it make any sense at all?

23-363

When I was going out for my 11th and 12th standards, Baba(My father) called me and asked to read these lines from a paper and then gave me diary to write these down. He wanted me to learn them, understand them.

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives: Be kind anyway.
If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend years building, someone may destroy overnight; Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway.
The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you’ve got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it is all between you and GOD; It was never between you and them anyway.

I am no 23years and 363 days old, will be turning 24 and start 25. Being 23 and going through 24 has taught me so much. The whole perspective of life, love, loneliness, trust, friendship, betrayal, loyalty, faith, God, His presence, Iman, Ammi(My mother), Baba has changed so much, I can say I guess it is so much different or rather detailed.

I almost fear nothing these days for I know there is a reason things happen.

People say it is that the Continue reading ’23-363′


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